Tuesday, November 25, 2008

stupid test

I just took a depression test as a joke, and it says I'm on the way to being depressed i should try to be more happy or some shit or else ill be depressed. Stupid thing doesn't know what its going on about. Im happy atm, just extremerly tired -yawns- and I don't enjoy doing some things I used to. Ohwellz I no I'm all good so nothing else matters.

Don't really have much else to say. Been pretty boring weeks lately, no fighting with anyone because I'm keeping out of it. Driving is going better then it was though, I have weekly lessons now, have to try go out driving with my dad soon though to get my hours up, only on 20.

I have had no exams, which I'm about, but I'm a big brother now. I so far had fun with the little kids, the homegroup that me and Raymond had on transition day was good. They where loud but shut up when i told them to and where making jokes and wern't to shy. So the perfect mix =D. Hopfully me and Raymond get most of them next year.

Lately I have had no time to do much and I've been screwed since friday night when i stayed up till 4 around Zowtyjs. No clue why, I have been going to bed at like 6-9 everyday except monday night. Usually I get over tiredness after one earlier night and I have had many... weird... ohwellz im out till next time

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Way, My Black Hole

I don't know what is wrong and what is right. I don't know if my outlook on life is good enough. I don't know if i which or if any of my friends will remain though my later years. I don't even no my direction in life. I guess this is just the way for people who have the "ill just cruze though life with no past, no future, just the moment" way of thinking.

Im not saying that this is a good or bad thing. From how my life is going at the moment and how i have turned out so far im really happy with it, but then very few people would say they where unhappy with who they are unless they where close to sucicide or something =S.

Anyways back to me, at the moment im deciding many things that are small now but could have huge effects in the future. I have already made alot of these decisions without thinking about the effects of it. I will continue this way like usual, turn up my music and just roll with what ever as usual. This is my way, im happy with it, so infact i will say "This Is The Way."

Now onto my second subject, my escape. A home is ment to be "an environment offering affection and security" http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&hs=Vwy&defl=en&q=define:home&sa=X&oi=glossary_definition&ct=title but my so called home doesnt provide either of these things for me. Its ment to be an escape from all the bad in your life and be able to think about things, but i come "home" and i just feel more unsafe and get into shouting contests, both of these things are the opposite of what is ment to be.

By the definition school is more of a home to me. I get affection from my friends and i feel alot safer there, odd as that sounds, school is more my home. So my house isn't my escape, but one part of it at times is an escape, my room, speakers blaring, blocks out all thoughts, all the fighting, nothing can go into or be created in my head, just the music. Yes this isn't good way of dealing with things, because it is completely ignoring everthing, but it is the only way in this "home" for me. Im depressed here most the time i think, i don't know if i could be called "clinicly depressed" but i can tell you I'm not happy here. I just feel like sleeping most the time, but as soon as i get out of the house and im with anyone else, i get energy again. Weird feeling trust me, this is my black hole, that isn't a reference to YO, honestly i don't care for a thing about that anymore, i mean it is a black hole because it just sucks all my bright happyness out of me. My usual smiling 24/7 is gone, my nothing face is now on 24/7, my parents have commented about it over the year, I have changed since last year at home and not for the better, but in my opinon it aint for the worse either. But i got to admit it would be nice to have the fighting to stop. Well keep looking here every weekend for more updates on my life, which would most likely involve my black hole.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Over Them

Basically the whole blog is about how im over my parents and everything about them. Yes they brought me up, yes they have kept me clothed and kept me healthy and all that. But our personalities just don't mix.

Fist off we will start off with the least hated of the two, my Dad, also known as Guy William Taylor (yes thats the same middle name as me). I can have ocnversations with him without them getting out of control, those times i wouldn't trade for the world. There good, we talk about politics, money, his bisness, people around us, how mum is overreacting about something. But then when it comes to what you should get out of life for him its all about money, near no enjoyment. Of course im the opposite, i tell him he should quit his work and retire, or at least do less hours he has employees that can do the work for him. But no he has to be out working all the time, when he isnt working at his job hes working doing something at home or sleeping, i do respect him for that. But personally I think he does this to keep away from home, because there are always arguments here. Now and again me and him get so fired up at each other we have to be seperated because where about to though a fist at each other, and this has happened before, of course i was the one who got canned, but i dont give a shit. Its usually over something to do with school and how I dont care if I fail something or something like that. But these usually happen because he is all ready fired up from a argument with my mum, which happens probz 5-6 out of the 7 days a week. Other than the little fights i can live with him.

Now for my Mum, or Debra Taylor. She is someone I hate normally so much, she thinks shes allways right, she thinks she is better than me, she thinks money is the main thing in life, she likes to be in control, when shes wrong she gets fired up and goes off topic, when im talking to her about something little she goes off at me for no reason. A good example for this is that once in english I "snatched" a sheet off Mrs. Irving, and then Mrs. Irving took the sheet back and I had to copy off someone else, i nearly finnished the assignment. Anyways, after school in the car Mum asked what homework I had tonite, I said I had some english but I couldn't do it because I didnt have the sheet. I had to explain to her why I didn't have it, then she went off, going how rude I must have been and all this shit. But it didn't end there I had to write a appology note to Mrs. Irving which I gave to her the next day and she was like that was unnecisary, tell your mum that. But it didn't end there, my mum deleted my assignment and made me redo it infront of her, and I had to get all the info off someone else. This is just one example of her over-reacting.

Now today, as soon as I got home after walking from Adams she asks "do you want a drving lesson?" i caually just said no because im to tired from walking, then she just had a mass go at me because I never want to go out or some shit. Then shes like I wont bother having the driving instructor comeing here, i just walked off because I know theres no point fighting. Then after tea I went upstairs and sat next to her while she was on her computer, then she said the computer was going slow, she started going oh why dont you make this go faster its all your stuff on here, again this is wrong, i haevnt had one thing of mine on there for years, i have my own computer. Then she had a go at me for using up all the usuage of our measly 2 gig of downloads for the net. I just calmly said that it isn't enough downloads and I hardly use any of it brookes downloading music allmost 24/7. The amount I use is a little bit, and we only go onto dailup speed when it goes over. She was complaining it takes ages to load pages on dailup speed, which is like a min, I just said she had no pacients. That set her off completely, she just had some mass go at me, shouting her head off, and like usual i try get her to calm down. Didn't work like usual, i just walked off much easier.

I give up on them, Im on the verg of giving up on my family all together. Honestly I want my parents to get a divorce, would make my life alot calmer i think. My Dad and Mum wouldnt be fighting constently, cuausing them to be pissy then take it out on me and my sis. Shes lucky though because they never blame her for anything, im the one to blame, but i rather it that way, I would hate for her to go though what I have to sometimes.